I just like, I was just doing some stuff with like...music?
And I just put out that EP
and I was like-
(crowd cheers and applauses)
Thank you!
And I was listening to it in my car, I picked up-
Like-- mixing
I was like "Oh, I wanna see how it sounds in the car" and I picked up a friend of mine, she got in
She was like "Is this you?"
I was like "Yeah..."
And she goes "You listen to your own music?!"
I was like "Yeah! yeah, I listen to my own music"
Like being an entertainer-
Being an entertainer is the only job where you can enjoy your own stuff. Did you know that? It's the only job where you can enjoy your own shit. Like if I made sandwiches for a living...
Like if I made sandwiches for a living, like if I worked at Subway or something, I made sandwiches for a living, then I go home, and I make a myself a sandwich... Nobody in here is gonna be like "Getting a little conceited, aren't we?" Like no one cares. No one cares. It's also the only job where you have to keep proving you can do it
Like if you worked at Staples, you don't have to be like "Oh, I know how to move paper from here to here"
Like you don't have to do that every time you go in
As an actor, I have to prove I know how to act every time I have to audition and prove I know how to act
Like I'm just gonna forget how to act one day?
Like I'll come back from summer break, go to Community, and they're gonna be like "and action!" and I'll be like...
(pretends to jerk off)
(crowd laughs)
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
"I DON'T KNOW! IS THIS ACTING?!"
"HELP! HELP!"
Ridiculous...
Well like, I was talking about music. I like music, a ton But like, the problem is I like weird stuff. I like weird, crazy music. Like, weird people making music, and we really don't have that anymore. I mean, we have Lady Gaga and stuff like that but that's-
I don't think that's really weird, I feel like it's plain
We need weird stuff, 'cause like as an adult, we're not really allowed to be weird anymore. Like, the older you get, the less you can take weird stuff
That's the truth, like you can't take weird stuff anymore
As a kid, the idea of Santa Claus is really weird and fucked up
It really is
But like- just like-
"Hey, there's this fat guy and he comes to your house, eats all your food and he leaves little gifts for you while your parents are sleeping, he runs up to Timmy and like"
"He gives me gifts? Cool."
You're just fine with it
You're fine with that guy being in your house
As an adult, somebody's like "Hey man, Glee comes on at 9 instead of 8 tonight"
"FUCK YOU, REALLY?! WHY'D THEY CHANGE IT? Why'd they change it..."
Can't take any change whatsoever. But that's basically what it is. It's like, I'm 27 and I'm about to become who I'm gonna be for the rest of my life. Like, basically like once hit your thirties, that's who you're gonna be for the rest of your life pretty much. If you're a conservative and you're around your thirties, you're probably gonna be a conservative for the rest of your life. If you're like liberal and in your thirties, you're probably gonna be liberal for the rest of your life. If you're a girl and you don't get blowjobs, curl up to your nine cats and your Twilight DVDs 'cause you're gonna die alone. You're gonna die alone
(crowd laughs)
Sorry
I love that joke because guys are like "Well put, Mr. Glover!"
(claps)
But it's true! You can't take any- like as you get older, you can't take any weird stuff. That's just the truth
Like I- you know-
That Lady Gaga, Kanye West tour
I was super stoked about that.
That was gonna be so awesome and weird. It's gonna be so crazy. I was having dreams about it, that's how much I was excited. I was having dreams about it
I was like "there's gonna be two big pillars on stage, like one big pillar here, Lady Gaga's there, and her hair is blowing in the wind and she's playing the bass, like that, but the bass isn't a bass, it's a huge tampon, just plucking at a huge tampon, and at the end of it is Tony Danza's face, he's just like "ba ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba" like he's just going crazy on it, and like there's another one- there's like another huge pillar and then like, Kanye West is on it, he's playing the piano, but the piano is not a piano, it's just a bear, it's a LIVE BEAR, for some reason, and the bear is not eating Kanye because he has so much respect for him, he's just looking at him like
"Aw, I wanna eat you but you made
Graduation
you mothafucka!"
he's like mad and then like in the audience, there's a big clear beach ball that everybody is pushing and kicking around and in the center of the big clear beach ball, there's just this one lone baby, just like, one lone naked baby, and he's not crying or anything, he's just confused and shit, like "Why did my parents put me in here? I thought they loved me"
And I was like "YES! That's worth $50! Wanna see that!"
And they cancelled it, they got rid of it!
They were like "It's too weird, it's gay, get rid of it."
But they got rid of it, they cancelled it. And that's ridiculous! That's crazy. Only adults would do that. Like as a kid, we watched the weirdest stuff, and nobody cared
Nobody ended-
You guys remember "Muppet Babies"?
Let me refresh your memory what "Muppet Babies" is about.
"Muppet Babies" is a show about a lady with no face, who takes care a frog, a pig, a dog that plays the piano, and an alien, named Gonzo, that fucks chickens.
And adults were like "Yeah, watch it, I don't give a fuck, I got things to do, gotta go"
You guys remember "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"? Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles sounds like a homeless person's fever dream. If you were walking down the street and you saw a homeless person and they were like "they're all named after renaissance artists and their father's a big a rat," you'd be like "STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME MAN!"
