Letra de Fictitious Disorder

Ladies and gentleman, Daniel Tosh.
Oh thank you. Thank you! AH THE O.C! WOO! NICE! Where everyone's rich and white the way god intended. Feels good.
Don't you love living in southern California? And people from Omaha come here and they say things like "Ah this place is great but uh... I like seasons. I-I- I couldn't live there, I love seasons too much." So do I. That's why I live in a place that skips the shitty ones. Your city BLOWS.
Ha ha ha. Life is what you make it make it good I have a good life, my friends think it's so much better than it really is. Why? Because I make it better. Wanna know where I'm working next week? Hm? Hawaii. How's that feel Irvine? Enjoy your mall. I'm not in Hawaii next week. I'm in Milwaukee. But in my mind I'm going to Hawaii. Life is what you make it. Anytime your going someplace in your life you don't wanna go pretend your going to Hawaii. It's a lot cheaper. Put on your flowered shirt, run in there be like "Aloha everybody I'm here" they're gonna think you need a helmet. Who cares? You're in the Aloha state. Number 50, that's why it bounced off our flag, that's why we took it!
I even took my girlfriend last week to Rome. Yeah. The whole time she was like "this looks like Birmingham, Alabama". I'm like "Shut up, Anna Kournikova" She's like "Quit calling me Anna Kournikova!" I'm like "No one talks to The Rock like that BITCH!" Which is funny because I don't even have a girlfriend. Ha! That was just some lady on the bus she didn't smell what I was cooking. Now she has a knot on the forehead by the people's elbow. You get the joke Carnegie Hall?
You wanna make your life better with 0 work on your part? Start lying. About everything in your life. There's no reason to tell the truth. My friend says "Hey can you pick me up from the airport?" I'm like "Yeah, I'd love to." I don't show up. I don't give a shit. What, he's gonna stop being my friend over that, when he wasn't even a friend to begin with. "Where were you, I waited 3 hours!" "You're a fool. Should've got a cab in about 30 minutes, that's what grown ups do. Thanks for trying to inconvenience my day though. Couldn't pick you up anyway, I ran into a group of witches, you know what witches are they're 'Like let's get to the forest!' Anyway I'm in the forest making a batch of poison apples, chit chattin' about chicken soup for the alcoholic soul, lost track of time. Sorry." "You're a lair" "Really?" And then next week I invite him and his girlfriend over to my house. And I offer his girlfriend an apple. And he's like "Woah... don't eat that apple. Hehe- You'll never believe this story, remember last week when he left me at the airport? Turns out he knows witches! And they made poison apples." And the whole time I just stand behind him and I'm like [Grunting noises] And then I can fuck his girlfriend! Yeah! Oh! That's a true story that I made up.